Conservative Party Conference - Day Three
Tofu | Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images

Former Home Secretary Suella Braverman lent on an out-of-date stereotype of progressives and protesters as “tofu-eaters.” Here are some on-trend alternatives for the next Tory through the revolving door

Earlier this week former Prime Minister’s former home secretary, Suella Braverman, levelled a hopelessly out-of-date snide at protestors and progressives, blaming disruption caused by “Just Stop Oil” climate activists on opposition parties Labour and the Liberal Democrats, branding them “Guardian-reading, tofu-eating wokerati.” This is a group Braverman’s predecessors on the right may once have referred to as “champagne socialists.”

Braverman, recently Boris Johnson’s Attorney General, is a politician who wanted to criminalise protest, called the deportation of immigrants to Rwanda a “dream”, and floated the idea of reclassifying cannabis as a Class A drug.

Vittles editor, Jonathan Nunn has advertised his own consultancy services on the matter Jonathan Nunn/Instagram
Vittles editor, Jonathan Nunn has advertised his own consultancy services on the matter

Braverman was the shortest-serving Home Secretary since 1834 when she resigned on Wednesday. Now, in light of her former boss Liz Truss’s own resignation on Thursday, Braverman is in line to run for the leadership herself.

Here are 17 up-to-date but equally dumb alternatives for Braverman to consider as she prepares herself for the salad shaker.

  1. “caps lock-off coolea kids” —Adam Coghlan
  2. “Willy’s pie wavers” —Adam Coghlan
  3. “was seen in P.Franco in the Will Gleave era” (and more, right) —Jonathan Nunn
  4. “Lacto fermented liberal” —Nathalie Nelles
  5. “Butcher shop turned listening bar attendee” —Nathalie Nelles
  6. “conservas conspirators” —James Hansen
  7. “wildfarmed wokerati” —James Hansen
  8. “pet nat socialists” —James Hansen
  9. “Riverford Radicals”—Sean Wyer
  10. “Burrata Bourgeoisie” —Sean Wyer
  11. “Cold brew Corbynistas” —Sean Wyer
  12. “Ready Salted Starmerites” —Sean Wyer
  13. “the true proletariat are eating creme brûlée cookies” —Anna Sulan Masing
  14. “Cod’s roe anti-growth coalition” —George Reynolds
  15. “The Quorn Supremacy” —Emma Hughes
  16. “Gilda gobbling Guardianistas” —Feroz Gajia
  17. “Smash-burger stalinists” —Stephen Buranyi